Christmas Isn't Just A Day On The Calendar

Christmas isn't just a day on the calendar. It is a season that is meant for family and friends gathering together, celebrating life, supporting each other, loving each other through our laughter and our tears. It is believing in all that God has to offer. It is having faith that things will be alright even when things look their darkest.

For me, too many years have passed where Christmas has been lost. Not enough time to celebrate, not enough time to take off to be with family, Not enough time to let the season build up to the climax that is meant to be.

The plain and simple fact is, I'm hurting deep inside and a part of me feels broken. Too much is going on inside of me. I have confided in someone that I feel and care way to much. I feel so much it hurts and I don't know how to handle it, it's like I'm almost going numb inside as a way to protect myself. It is all very confusing. I also feel guilty that I'm having a difficult time handling it.

I am lost, which is why I'm finally taking time for myself. I'm taking a breather away from work and will try to take time to try to heal. I can't take care of anyone else until I care for what I need. The problem is I'm not sure exactly what I need. I'm thankful that my husband is understanding during this time and is supporting me.

I am also thankful for a beautiful soul who has heard my heart, has not judged me and who has been there as only a true friend can be. Who tells me every chance they get, that I have "got this day".

During a talk recently I was told that I am blessed. I looked at this person with a look I know showed my doubts. This person said that I may feel out of control and very hurt and devastated right now, but that also means I "feel" and "enjoy" and I take great pleasure in the things that mean the most in life as well. Whether it be with friends, family, or seeing the beauty around me in everyday living.

I've been reminded that I need to lean on faith and renew my belief in God that he will lead me to where I am meant to be.

Maybe my Christmas miracle will be that I find my way again and find the balance I need in my life that will allow me to live again with meaning in my life and the confidence I need for my future.

As I said in the first paragraph Christmas isn't just a day on the calendar. It is a season that is meant for family and friends gathering together, celebrating life, supporting each other, loving each other through our laughter and our tears. It is believing in all that God has to offer. It is having faith that things will be alright even when things look their darkest.

I will look to the light of God to lead me in faith.