Photo by Vickie Treadway
This is an excerpt from a story I'm working on.
One of my characters faces the reality that she is in love...
What I feel is more than anything I have ever felt before. It is difficult to explain other than I'm flying high with the possibilities of being loved by the same man who I have unwittingly given my heart too. Then within minutes I'm experiencing a crushing low as my insecurities try to drown the very buds that are trying to bloom. I keep asking myself if I am deserving of love. Then as I look deep into myself and ask with complete honesty what is really in my heart ..., is it possible for you to love me as I love you?
I hold close to my heart the the very first memories I have of when our eyes first met and interest sparked between us. Unbeknown to me at the time, this was the defining moment I had been waiting for my whole life. From that time on, I've compared everyone to you and of course they fall short. The friendship that bloomed between us has meant more to me than anything I've had in a long time, so keeping the secret that my heart is really yours is something I must do.
I torture myself being friends with you, keeping the hope alive that one day it will be me you see. I welcome the smiles we share because they make my heart race with excitement and anticipation, just like when our hands brush together with innocence. With each day that passes, I'm more aware of you as a man and each time I see you causes my heart to skip and my stomach to flutter. My heart wants to know if you are aware of me as a woman in love. I hold tight the memories of fleeting innocent kisses, just a brush of the lips between friends when we part or say hello that always leaves me with the desire to kiss you more and for you to kiss me in return. I keep asking the great void if a man can sense when a woman is in love with him?
We've known each other for years, so our friendship means the world to me and I don't ever want to jeopardized what we have. So ... as I take my leave on the bus that takes me away from you, I wave goodbye through rain drops that have settled on the window obscuring my view of you. You smile, you wave one last time and turn away leaving me with only the memories of you. I brush away a tear that falls, telling myself with finality that maybe the truth of the matter is, I love you for the very reasons I know I can't have you.
Still, I wonder if the purpose of our paths crossing to begin with, was really to help me realize that I could feel this way about another human being, and that love is on the horizon, or maybe it is just a matter of time that someday, somehow, someway we will have a chance at love.
